AU set two weeks after Nathan's car crash In this story Brooke and Lucas went to visit
Haley on tour BEFORE the Nathan's car crash
(Italic: the past)
(Italic: the past)
Rating: NC-17
Strong language
Chapter One
Nathan slammed his World History textbook shut. He couldn’t concentrate. He was so mad at Lucas. It was at times like these that he remembered exactly why he used to hate the guy.
All he asked him to do was to lay off Dan for a while. Lucas promised him, he gave him that stupid “I promise man, you’re my brother” crap and promised he’d stop trying to bring Dan down. Like he could anyway, all Dan had to do was reveal a few home truths from his “Sins of a father” journal and Lucas would creep back into that tortured little shell of his. God, he could be such a fucking pussy sometimes.
Nathan slammed his fist on the desk.
And then there was Haley. Haley James-Scott or Haley James, whatever her tour name was. How about Haley- break my heart into a million pieces and not even write a frigging song about it! What happened to the sweet Haley James he fell in love with… oh wait, yeah she left and went on tour with Chris Wanker! And he was so over it, it WAS believable!
Nathan got up and started pacing around the room. He couldn’t take it anymore. His sorry existence was becoming less and less meaningful by the second. He had to get out of here. He had to do something.
Nathan grabbed his car keys of the counter and headed for the door.
All this stupid dead weight was bringing him down, he had to make a fresh start. First MO was to forget about all the mess that had happened with Haley, Lucas and… Brooke.
Brooke.
“Brooke” Nathan breathed out, resting his head against the steering wheel.
“Hey come on! The lights green already!” Some cab driver shouted from behind.
Nathan snapped out of his momentary trance and focused on driving. Focus. That’s what he had to do. Nathan glanced over at his watch, it was 5pm. He wondered what time visiting hours were and if he’d make it in time. There was so much traffic.
“Damn it!” Nathan cursed taking a sharp turn into a short cut. He had to get to the hospital now, right now, otherwise he’d lose the small sense of courage he had.
Nathan slowed down suddenly as he passed the river court. “What is he doing here?”
Nathan got out the car, slamming the door behind him.
“Hey Nate” Lucas smiled
The nerve of this guy! Nathan tilted his head back, as if to compose his apparent annoyance. “You should be at the hospital, what are you doing here?”
“I just came from there man, I just had to pick some things up. Haley…”
“I swear if you even tr…” Nathan interrupted stepping forward
“When are you going to talk her?”
“Try and ask me, if I’ve spoken to her” Nathan finished off his sentence.
“Nathan…”
“No! You did enough talking for the both of us when you went and saw her and just lied to me about it!”
“I didn’t know how to tell you, you had just had that accident!”
“You don’t know anything about that accident, ok! You don’t know anything! Do you? All you care about is yourself!” Nathan said, his voice getting louder and louder “I ask you for one thing. The one thing I’ve ever asked you to do, to just back off Dan so that for once I could try and get my life back on track, I could try and get my family back together but no, you just wouldn’t do that!”
“How can you honestly be mad at me for something like that? Dan will never be the father we want him to be. I know that and so do you. And about going to see Haley, I didn’t tell you because it seemed like you were moving on” Lucas tried to explain
“So let me get this straight… you didn’t give me her signed divorce papers because you didn’t want to stop me from moving on. Correct me if I’m wrong Luc, but getting a divorce is part of moving on”
“But you and Haley can’t get divorced” Lucas tried to let out a sympathetic smile but Nathan turned round abruptly running his hands through his hair.
“God Lucas do you know how much I am trying not to hit you right now” Nathan seethed.
“Why are you so mad at me?”
“You wouldn’t get it?”
“Try me”
“No! You probably spent that entire weekend going on about how much Haley and I are meant to be together, how we should just work things out…”
“So what if I did”
“You don’t get it! You ruined it, you made things worse!”
“You made things worse!”
“What? How?” Nathan asked
“You should have just talked to her when you went and saw her. Why did you leave?”
“I left because I scared”
“You were scared?” Brooke placed her hands on her hips, trying not to cry “Scared of what” She said in almost a whisper it was so quiet.
“Scared of us?”
Brooke looked up, confused.
“If I told Haley about us, about how I felt about you then it would be real, everything would be real. And we’d have to tell Lucas and, and… and I was scared I’d mess it up”
“How would you mess it up?” Brooke asked. Nathan could hear the vulnerability in her voice, something which always made his heart melt.
“I don’t know. It’s like I was drowning and you saved me, you were coming up for air” Nathan said moving closer toward Brooke “And now I just can’t lose you Brooke, I just can’t” Nathan said softly as Brooke reached up to hold him.
She couldn’t believe she was going to do this. After everything they’d been through together, after everything that had happened between them. Brooke closed her eyes as if to take in every detail of that exact moment as he held her in his arms. His tightly rippled chest against hers, his firm arms around her waist and the smell of his hair.
Brooke felt a tear roll down her cheek as she stepped back, out of his arms.
“Hey, whats wrong?” Nathan asked sweetly, as he wiped a tear from Brooke’s cheek.
“I’m sorry Nate.”
“Why?”
“I can’t do this. We can’t do this. We can’t be together; I don’t know how we could have even thought we could be happy. We can’t be together.”
“Don’t say that” Nathan asked
“I sat there all weekend, listening to Lucas tell Haley why you two should still be together, why your MARRIAGE is worth fighting for”
“Brooke, our marriage was over the day she left me, the day she decided to pretend she was dating Chris Keller on live tv. We might still be married legally but we don’t live together, we don’t see eachother, we don’t talk to each other. We’re way past the separated stage Brooke we…”
“We just can’t be together Nathan”
“Brooke please… don’t say that. I’m not going to lose you, I can’t” Nathan’s voice broke.
“Nathan, Haley is my friend and Lucas…”
“You’re not even with Lucas” Nathan answered quickly “Unless you’re trying to tell me you have feelings for him”
“You know it’s not about him. He just, he really believes that you and Haley should work it out and… when he wasn’t talking to Haley about it, he was talking to me about it. Do you know how it felt to sit there and nod amicably while Lucas told me why you should be with her?”
Brooke reached across to grab her bag.
“Try and work it out with Haley, ok Nate” Brooke smiled sadly, trying to be strong
“I can’t Brooke”
“You can ok. You and me… it never happened ok. It never happened!” Brooke choked fighting back the tears.
“You take that back, you can’t say that! Not after everything we’ve been through. You need me Brooke, I need you” Nathan pleaded with tears in his eyes.
Brooke put her bag over her shoulder, reaching for the door handle.
“Brooke… I love you”
There was silence. Brooke froze, she felt as though her heart had skipped a beat. Every fibre of her being wanted to turn around and tell Nathan that she loved him, that she loved him too, that she loved him more than he’d ever know but she couldn’t. She couldn’t turn around and look him in the eyes because she knew she’d give in, she’d be weak. Weak, happy and in love.
Brooke turned the door handle and walked out the door, without looking back.
“How did I ruin everything?” Lucas asked, snapping Nathan out of his not so joyful memory.
“A week after you and Brooke went to see Haley I got into the accident, the weekend after Luke” Nathan snapped
“But you didn’t even know I went to see Haley until yesterday” Lucas said confused
“Exactly. It had nothing to do with Haley, Lucas. It hasn’t for a very long time”
“Don’t say that man” Lucas said sadly.
“Lucas, would you just stop already? Stop trying to fix me and Haley, because it’s over! It’s over. I can’t take this anymore Luke…” Nathan took a deep breath. “Where were you today when she needed you?”
“Wait, how did this turn into…” Lucas tried
“From here on out man, we’re not brothers… we’re not even friends!” Nathan snapped before turning and walking towards his car.
“Nathan…” Lucas called after him
“You know what…” Nathan stopped, turning around “I should kick your ass right now”
“Oh yeah?”
“You’re standing here bitching about me and Haley when you should be at the hospital. The thought of her being there by herself…”
“She’s not by herself, my mom’s there. You could go visit her if you like?”
Nathan just stared at Lucas right in the eye. At that exact moment Nathan knew that he could just tell Lucas everything. What he could say or could not say would have definite repercussions. Nathan bowed his head, contemplating the possibility. Finally he said, “No, I think she’d rather have you there” Nathan said sadly and walked over to his car.
Within the next two hours, Nathan had managed to return to his apartment, spending about thirty minutes packing most of his stuff and the next hour and a half sitting outside the hospital wondering whether he should go in.
Nathan walked down the corridors of the hospital. He’d been here so many times; they should have named a wing after him or something. Visiting hours were so clearly over but he had a feeling that the nurse at the front desk might find it a little hard to say no to some bribery.
One of the few useful things Dan had taught Nathan was the immoral and most commonly unlawful effect of money.
“Hi” Nathan began “Do you know which room Brooke Davis is in?”
All he asked him to do was to lay off Dan for a while. Lucas promised him, he gave him that stupid “I promise man, you’re my brother” crap and promised he’d stop trying to bring Dan down. Like he could anyway, all Dan had to do was reveal a few home truths from his “Sins of a father” journal and Lucas would creep back into that tortured little shell of his. God, he could be such a fucking pussy sometimes.
Nathan slammed his fist on the desk.
And then there was Haley. Haley James-Scott or Haley James, whatever her tour name was. How about Haley- break my heart into a million pieces and not even write a frigging song about it! What happened to the sweet Haley James he fell in love with… oh wait, yeah she left and went on tour with Chris Wanker! And he was so over it, it WAS believable!
Nathan got up and started pacing around the room. He couldn’t take it anymore. His sorry existence was becoming less and less meaningful by the second. He had to get out of here. He had to do something.
Nathan grabbed his car keys of the counter and headed for the door.
All this stupid dead weight was bringing him down, he had to make a fresh start. First MO was to forget about all the mess that had happened with Haley, Lucas and… Brooke.
Brooke.
“Brooke” Nathan breathed out, resting his head against the steering wheel.
“Hey come on! The lights green already!” Some cab driver shouted from behind.
Nathan snapped out of his momentary trance and focused on driving. Focus. That’s what he had to do. Nathan glanced over at his watch, it was 5pm. He wondered what time visiting hours were and if he’d make it in time. There was so much traffic.
“Damn it!” Nathan cursed taking a sharp turn into a short cut. He had to get to the hospital now, right now, otherwise he’d lose the small sense of courage he had.
Nathan slowed down suddenly as he passed the river court. “What is he doing here?”
Nathan got out the car, slamming the door behind him.
“Hey Nate” Lucas smiled
The nerve of this guy! Nathan tilted his head back, as if to compose his apparent annoyance. “You should be at the hospital, what are you doing here?”
“I just came from there man, I just had to pick some things up. Haley…”
“I swear if you even tr…” Nathan interrupted stepping forward
“When are you going to talk her?”
“Try and ask me, if I’ve spoken to her” Nathan finished off his sentence.
“Nathan…”
“No! You did enough talking for the both of us when you went and saw her and just lied to me about it!”
“I didn’t know how to tell you, you had just had that accident!”
“You don’t know anything about that accident, ok! You don’t know anything! Do you? All you care about is yourself!” Nathan said, his voice getting louder and louder “I ask you for one thing. The one thing I’ve ever asked you to do, to just back off Dan so that for once I could try and get my life back on track, I could try and get my family back together but no, you just wouldn’t do that!”
“How can you honestly be mad at me for something like that? Dan will never be the father we want him to be. I know that and so do you. And about going to see Haley, I didn’t tell you because it seemed like you were moving on” Lucas tried to explain
“So let me get this straight… you didn’t give me her signed divorce papers because you didn’t want to stop me from moving on. Correct me if I’m wrong Luc, but getting a divorce is part of moving on”
“But you and Haley can’t get divorced” Lucas tried to let out a sympathetic smile but Nathan turned round abruptly running his hands through his hair.
“God Lucas do you know how much I am trying not to hit you right now” Nathan seethed.
“Why are you so mad at me?”
“You wouldn’t get it?”
“Try me”
“No! You probably spent that entire weekend going on about how much Haley and I are meant to be together, how we should just work things out…”
“So what if I did”
“You don’t get it! You ruined it, you made things worse!”
“You made things worse!”
“What? How?” Nathan asked
“You should have just talked to her when you went and saw her. Why did you leave?”
“I left because I scared”
“You were scared?” Brooke placed her hands on her hips, trying not to cry “Scared of what” She said in almost a whisper it was so quiet.
“Scared of us?”
Brooke looked up, confused.
“If I told Haley about us, about how I felt about you then it would be real, everything would be real. And we’d have to tell Lucas and, and… and I was scared I’d mess it up”
“How would you mess it up?” Brooke asked. Nathan could hear the vulnerability in her voice, something which always made his heart melt.
“I don’t know. It’s like I was drowning and you saved me, you were coming up for air” Nathan said moving closer toward Brooke “And now I just can’t lose you Brooke, I just can’t” Nathan said softly as Brooke reached up to hold him.
She couldn’t believe she was going to do this. After everything they’d been through together, after everything that had happened between them. Brooke closed her eyes as if to take in every detail of that exact moment as he held her in his arms. His tightly rippled chest against hers, his firm arms around her waist and the smell of his hair.
Brooke felt a tear roll down her cheek as she stepped back, out of his arms.
“Hey, whats wrong?” Nathan asked sweetly, as he wiped a tear from Brooke’s cheek.
“I’m sorry Nate.”
“Why?”
“I can’t do this. We can’t do this. We can’t be together; I don’t know how we could have even thought we could be happy. We can’t be together.”
“Don’t say that” Nathan asked
“I sat there all weekend, listening to Lucas tell Haley why you two should still be together, why your MARRIAGE is worth fighting for”
“Brooke, our marriage was over the day she left me, the day she decided to pretend she was dating Chris Keller on live tv. We might still be married legally but we don’t live together, we don’t see eachother, we don’t talk to each other. We’re way past the separated stage Brooke we…”
“We just can’t be together Nathan”
“Brooke please… don’t say that. I’m not going to lose you, I can’t” Nathan’s voice broke.
“Nathan, Haley is my friend and Lucas…”
“You’re not even with Lucas” Nathan answered quickly “Unless you’re trying to tell me you have feelings for him”
“You know it’s not about him. He just, he really believes that you and Haley should work it out and… when he wasn’t talking to Haley about it, he was talking to me about it. Do you know how it felt to sit there and nod amicably while Lucas told me why you should be with her?”
Brooke reached across to grab her bag.
“Try and work it out with Haley, ok Nate” Brooke smiled sadly, trying to be strong
“I can’t Brooke”
“You can ok. You and me… it never happened ok. It never happened!” Brooke choked fighting back the tears.
“You take that back, you can’t say that! Not after everything we’ve been through. You need me Brooke, I need you” Nathan pleaded with tears in his eyes.
Brooke put her bag over her shoulder, reaching for the door handle.
“Brooke… I love you”
There was silence. Brooke froze, she felt as though her heart had skipped a beat. Every fibre of her being wanted to turn around and tell Nathan that she loved him, that she loved him too, that she loved him more than he’d ever know but she couldn’t. She couldn’t turn around and look him in the eyes because she knew she’d give in, she’d be weak. Weak, happy and in love.
Brooke turned the door handle and walked out the door, without looking back.
“How did I ruin everything?” Lucas asked, snapping Nathan out of his not so joyful memory.
“A week after you and Brooke went to see Haley I got into the accident, the weekend after Luke” Nathan snapped
“But you didn’t even know I went to see Haley until yesterday” Lucas said confused
“Exactly. It had nothing to do with Haley, Lucas. It hasn’t for a very long time”
“Don’t say that man” Lucas said sadly.
“Lucas, would you just stop already? Stop trying to fix me and Haley, because it’s over! It’s over. I can’t take this anymore Luke…” Nathan took a deep breath. “Where were you today when she needed you?”
“Wait, how did this turn into…” Lucas tried
“From here on out man, we’re not brothers… we’re not even friends!” Nathan snapped before turning and walking towards his car.
“Nathan…” Lucas called after him
“You know what…” Nathan stopped, turning around “I should kick your ass right now”
“Oh yeah?”
“You’re standing here bitching about me and Haley when you should be at the hospital. The thought of her being there by herself…”
“She’s not by herself, my mom’s there. You could go visit her if you like?”
Nathan just stared at Lucas right in the eye. At that exact moment Nathan knew that he could just tell Lucas everything. What he could say or could not say would have definite repercussions. Nathan bowed his head, contemplating the possibility. Finally he said, “No, I think she’d rather have you there” Nathan said sadly and walked over to his car.
Within the next two hours, Nathan had managed to return to his apartment, spending about thirty minutes packing most of his stuff and the next hour and a half sitting outside the hospital wondering whether he should go in.
Nathan walked down the corridors of the hospital. He’d been here so many times; they should have named a wing after him or something. Visiting hours were so clearly over but he had a feeling that the nurse at the front desk might find it a little hard to say no to some bribery.
One of the few useful things Dan had taught Nathan was the immoral and most commonly unlawful effect of money.
“Hi” Nathan began “Do you know which room Brooke Davis is in?”
More to come
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